Just About Enough

Sometimes this mamahood thing is relentlessly and utterly exhausting.

Recently I have been feeling so tired. It comes and goes, but both my bones and my brain are aching right now.

And the thing is – my busy little girl sleeps through the night now.

So I feel like I shouldn’t moan.

I feel like I should be “on better form”. I feel like I should be full of energy.

I feel tired just thinking about all the things I should probably be doing: going to the gym, cooking meals, walking the dog, writing blog posts, organising, meeting up, sorting out, tidying up, planning, drinking less coffee, sorting out the messy drawer. The list goes on. And on. Around and around my mind.

And it makes me feel as though, despite my best efforts, I am not enough. I cannot keep up.

I am one of those people who likes to be busy. I am not a shirker. In fact, I like hard work. But, if I am honest, it feels a bit overwhelming. It’s not just my body that is tired, my mind is too.

Does anyone else feel like this?

Is this bone-crushing fatigue simply the reality of mamahood? Or Tthe reality of life in a non-stop, info-overload, techno-driven world?

Last week, I deleted Facebook from my phone. I felt like it was taking over – every time I went to the loo or had two minutes to myself, I was online, checking and chuckling and getting a bit annoyed. It feels like a small step in the right direction.

Facebook can convince us that everyone else has their sh*t together. It’s a highly edited world yet I still find myself comparing – contrasting my messy back-stage with other’s polished front-of-house. Then there’s Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter and others I haven’t ever heard of. There is no “off” button on the Internet and this 24/7 culture can slowly and insidiously warp our expectations and sense of “normal”.

I want to be more present (and less tired!) in the everyday reality of mamahood.

I want to learn to adjust my expectations, to accept that Just About Enough is probably good enough for now.

I can’t do everything. I don’t have to. And that is ok.

There are no Perfect Mamas (despite what Facebook might tell us!), so I can stop trying to be one.